nothing left to say ... {silva and antares}

[alehue]

Was I not good enough for them? that was the first, involuntarily thought that popped into Jamie's head when he saw that monster that was their child. Their child. All of his short life was spent in their presence, they were his everything. His two best friends, his mother and father, his everything! He had given up everything for them. he had given up the chance to go out on his own and find someplace new just so that he could stay by their side. He had given them his heart, and in return, they had ripped it clean in two. But it wasn't their fault, oh no, it was his own. He had been a selfish little idiot of a son, a selfish little idiot of a friend. Everything had to be about him, he had forced their lives to revolve around him. He had been so blind that he didn't even notice them fall in love.

He would take everything back if he could. he would give anything to be the only thing they needed, he would give absolutely anything to have his life turn back to when there was no Shadow. Jamie would always be living in Shadow's shadow. Who would bother with a pup that was not their's when they had their own? He wanted to hate Shadow, he wanted to hate what had taken his place in his heart. Silent tears trickled out of his creamy cocoa eyes as he realized he couldn't, he just couldn't. Silva and Antares were his life, so how could he hate what had become their life? The pup sniffled pitifully as his heart fractured just a little bit more. What could've been a clean break had just turned into so much more. Each second he delayed the inevitable, the crack spread wider and wider. Delaying longer would make it so that he could no longer collect the pieces.

The hardest thing he had ever done in his life (and would probably ever do in his life) was getting to his feet. His legs shook, and he was in danger of falling. As soon as he had taken that first step though, placing one paint-dipped paw in front of a mottled one, it became easier, and suddenly his brain was no longer in control. The repetitive motion made it so much easier for him to flip through his regrets as he walked. A step. Did I ever tell them I loved them? Another step. If I did, did I really mean it? And another. What will I become? Paws moving numbly forward. Will they even notice? And that single, heartbreaking thought as he took the single, heartbreaking step over the StarPack border. Will they even care?

[Aries]

Antares sat on the sturdy branch of a tree, he followed Jamie when he'd left the Starpack's main den area. He had been acting strange since Shadow hatched, but Antares always tried his best to give them equal attention and love. Jamie was just as much of a son to him as Shadow was, and he thought he made that clear. He say in silence as the canine sniffled. Not clear enough. Antares jumped from the branch he was on when the pup moved, he didn't know where he planned on going, but he didn't want him leaving and getting lost or doing something he would regret.

"Jamie, sweetheart, what's wrong, where are you going?" Antares trotted up to the canine, he had a feeling he knew what's wrong, but it's best to be sure.

[Meesh]

Silva's ears perked up as she saw Antares watching Jamie. She had noticed the strangeness in her adopted son's attitude as well, and was glad to notice Antares had seen it too. Perfect, actually, as she had been planning to ask Jamie what was the matter if he didn't cheer up in the next few days. Now Antares leaped down from his spot in the tree, padding after Jamie. Perhaps now was as good a time as any. Shadow was curled up comfortably by her side, asleep, so Silva gave him a gentle nuzzle before standing, padding after her mate and adopted son.

It didn't take long to find them, Jamie with a paw on the StarPack border, and Antares there asking what was wrong. Silva padded over towards Jamie. "Dear, what's the matter?"

[alehue]

So they had noticed. Jamie wouldn't say he was surprised but he wasn't not surprised either. He wasn't one hundred percent they wouldn't follow him, but he wasn't one hundred percent certain they would, either. They had lived up to a rather positive (and wishful) expectation in his head. But that didn't mean that they would get off too easily, either. Jamie's feet were spread shoulder-width apart, his shoulders rolled forward to protect his neck, his tail tucked into his body. He was ready for battle. And yet, he could not pretend that they hadn't shattered him, he could not pretend that he was not hurting. Them calling him sweetheart, dear wasn't making it any easier. They still were pretending they cared, and that only made him more angry. His caramel eyes flashed at them, challenging them.

"I will tell you what's the matter. I am no longer needed here, nor do I feel I am wanted. I don't want to be a burden to the happy family." The last words were snarled, his lips peeling back to reveal nearly-developed canine teeth, which he, at this moment, would be all too happy to dig into their flesh. "As to where I'm going, I don't know. Any place far away from here. Any place the memories won't haunt me."

[Aries]

Antares backed off a few steps when he saw Jamie's defensive position, he wasn't looking for a fight. Especially if he couldn't fight back, which he wouldn't if he decided to attack him. Jamie's words stung him, burned him to the very core. Did he really think that he wasn't enough for them so they made Shadow? That was ridiculous! The feline was capable of caring for and loving more than one son, biological or not.

"Do you seriously think it will make everything fine and dandy by leaving? You're part of our family, and that's what makes us happy. If you wanted more attention, it would have been a simple question with a simple answer: Yeah, absolutely. Getting viscous about it isn't going to solve anything." Antares calmly sat down, his voice and expression serious for once.

[Meesh]

Silva was shocked by Jamie's words. Feeling lonely or jealous of Shadow was one thing, but for such a young pup to be so vicious. She calmly padded over until she was standing between the pup and Antares, crouching down so she was at Jamie's level. Her tone was perfectly calm, not a single claw flexed or tooth bared to indicate that she would defend herself at all if attacked. "Jamie, I won't fight you, and I know you won't fight me. We have shown you no less love than we have in the past. What in our attitudes towards you has ever made you feel unwanted?" she gazed at the pup, voice steady, but kind. "Think of it this way. You love both Antares and I, but I'm not jealous of Antares, and he isn't jealous of me. You can love more than one person, you know" she reached forward to nuzzle the pup lightly. "Just as Antares and I love you"

[alehue]

Conflicting emotions nearly tore him in two. Here they were, still claiming that they loved him, that Shadow wouldn't change their relationship, but he already had! How could he see that loving gaze that they both gave to shadow, the way they both cooed to him as he fell asleep, the way that he was no longer part of the family dynamic. His only two friends had fallen in love, and had a child, and he was the third wheel. Jamie could not stand looking at them, so he shut his eyes, letting tears leak out of them, darkening the white beneath his eyes to grey."Do you not understand this, Silva?" he said, his eyes still closed as he addressed the black canine who had stepped in between himself and Antares. "Your child is your child, and I'm just some stupid charity case. Stupid Shadow ripped my life into pieces! You may think that you've been giving us equal treatment, but it is totally different. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not longer a ball of fluff that you can toss around and play with however you please! Whenever I get close to Shadow, I feel as if I'm being stared at, watched, to make sure I'm not going to hurt your oh-so precious little baby!" He finally had the strength to open his eyes, but seeing Silva's eyes looking right back at him sapped it again, and his chestnut eyes closed. How could he survive his heart being ripped in two? The tears that leaked down his cheeks were just a bitter reminded that maybe he couldn't survive it at all.

[Aries]

Antares was beginning to get annoyed with Jamie. Everything just went in one ear and out the other with him. He barely managed to keep the calm look on his face, he couldn't control the emotion that shown through his eyes, which flashed with irritation. "Shadow did nothing to you, stop being a jealous little brat. If you're going to act like this every time a new member comes to the pack, causing the attention to be spread out a little more, you need to get a grip. The world doesn't revolve around you and it never will." the feline kept his voice at a steadily calm tone. He didn't like brats, and Jamie's senseless tantrum wasn't going to be tolerated by him. If Shadow pulled this he'd be just as stern about it as he would anyone for the matter.

[/blockquote]

[Meesh]

Silva quickly moved to press agaisnt her mate for comfort, nudging him lightly with her flank before tuning back to face the pup. A part of her couldn't help but agree with Antares's words, but she knew that conflict would get them nowhere. "I realize that you are upset Jamie, but insulting us and Shadow will get you nowhere. What do you think accusing us like this will accomplish? Did you think yelling at us would make us apologize to you and kick Shadow out? Yes, we love him, but the only one who thinks we'd love you any less for it is you" Silva kept her voice steady, but a bit softer than her mate's as if trying to make up for his harsher words. "If you think we're trying to drive you out, you are no prisoner here and feel free to leave as you wish, but know that our den is always open for you so long as you understand that everyone is equal" She didn't know if Jamie truly wanted to leave or not, but she would not fault him for wanting to spend a few days by himself, if that's what he preferred.

[alehue]

If Antares wanted him to stay, then he sure wasn't doing a good job of convincing the pup. He shook out his fur, trying to maintain his defensive stance without feeling the guilt that was slowly starting to work its way through his veins. They couldn't be telling the truth, they couldn't say that they really loved him as much as Shadow - how could they love their adopted son as much as they loved their biological son? Yet the words stabbed him, each one a well-aimed poniard towards his heart. Jealous little brat. Was that really how they saw him? Not jealous, no, that's not how he felt about Shadow. Inferior was more like it. If he felt like he could tell Antares that, Jamie would've, but the canine's trust in his adopted father faltered with the malignant words. He had never intended for this to become an argument, just a simple statement of how he felt. At first Jamie had been certain that he was leaving this place, never to return, but Silva's gentle words were starting to change his mind. He didn't let himself hesitate - Jamie opened up his eyes which were still leaking tears, and barreled into Silva, smelling that scent that was so familiar, enjoying the warmth that had always come with her black fur. Oh, how he loved her, how e loved his best friend, how e loved his mother...If only he could love Shadow just as much.

[Aries]

[atrb=cellSpacing,20,true][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 500px; -webkit-box-shadow: 0 1px 5px #000; -moz-box-shadow: 0 1px 5px #888; box-shadow: 0 1px 5px #888; height: 600px;border-radius: 15px; background: url(http://img542.imageshack.us/img542/3481/antarestable.png), bTable]

[atrb=style, height: 300px; vertical-align: top; width:420px; padding:5px;][style=height: 200px; padding: 10px;width:420px;overflow: auto; color: 5f4538; padding: 10px;text-align: justify; margin-bottom: 5px;] Antares sat and wallowed in his words for a few moments. Did that really just come out of his mouth? Jamie was being a bit of a brat, but that's what pups do and he never got mad about it. He just snapped, which had never happened before. It was an odd feeling. "...I'm sorry. I just.. It hurts me when it's being insinuated that I'm a horrible father. I do my best to keep the both of you happy. I'm afraid my efforts will never be enough and it frustrates me." his voice was somber. The feline wanted to give Jamie a lick on the forehead and snuggle him in apology, but he was crying into Silva's fur. He figured after his harshness he would want even less to do with him, so he just sat in his spot a few feet away. [/style]

[Meesh]

Silva smiled softly as the pup dashed forward to snuggle into her fur and she bent down to give him a lick between the ears, placing a paw around him and pushing him closer. She was still a little annoyed at Jamie for his whining, but he was, after all, just a pup. "It's alright hun. You're alright. C'mon, let's head back to the den" she glanced upwards, seeing Antares sitting by himself looking uncomfortable. Silva had a sobbing pup in her fur so she couldn't move, but she looked directly at Antares and gave him a 'get your furry butt over here this instant so we can snuggle you' look that she hopes he would understand.

[alehue]

Jamie couldn't believe how stupid he had been. Even if Silva and Antares had been ignoring him a little (and he still swore they had, no matter what they said), they were still the only two animals in the world that could really and truly understand him. He was nothing without them. As Jamie was pushed closer to Silva, he let himself go limp, the thoughts streaming out of his head through his ears, his mouth clamped shut in fear of something slipping out. He could hear Antares's apology over his own sobs, but just like everything else in his head, it flowed out almost as soon as Jamie had processed it. He wasn't sure whether or not he was going to be able to forgive Antares just yet - being called a brat wasn't exactly something a good father would do, even if he did apologize afterwards.